For some, the decision to close a big business deal weighs heavily on their shoulders; for others, the fine line between war and peace has them breaking into a sweat; but, for all, the hefty decision between the brief or the boxer is an unavoidable one.
It’s a decision that if taken wrongly, will have you squirming uncomfortably in that meeting, wishing you could straighten out that creeping wedgy. And who knows? That could be the influencing factor on the decision to close that bad business deal, or even to start a war. Your underwear is your closest companion throughout the day. It’s important stuff.
So important, in fact, that we’ve done some research into various underwear types and found some interesting results.
# The boxer: Freedom in a bag. There’s really no point in wearing these under your clothes. Grown men risk having their boxers creep up behind them in graphic ways. And it looks awfully uncomfortable. Really, you might as well go commando and save a little cash.
What it says about you: You frequently fantasise about being Tarzan because you like the idea of feeling the wind flap up the leg of your boxers as you swing from tree to tree.
# The brief: Also known as the tighty-whitey, the brief’s claim to fame is support. Contrary to popular belief, the brief won’t have an adverse effect on your fertility… if you wear the correct size. Wearing briefs that are too small for you isn’t recommended.
What it says about you: Common belief has it that the tighty-whitey wearer is uptight. Surprisingly, this is not the case. That’s all just a façade. You’re really a wild cowboy inside just doing what’s practical. We know this because we’ve watched Brokeback Mountain.
# The boxer-brief This is the pseudo-boxer for those sporty types who have worked out that they need a little support whilst running about, but just can’t face submitting to the tighty-whitey. These are really just comfy hot pants that will eliminate the risk of a ‘pantyline’ when wearing your skin-tight jeans. Not that you concern yourself with things like panylines.
What it says about you: A fence-sitter and someone who likes to be comfortable. The boxer-brief wearer is trying to decide whether or not the girlfriend will accept their stash of briefs. It’s the safer option.
# The thong Now, now, no scoffing. You know you want to. These bad boys aren’t just there for those who wish they could wear women’s undergarments. They have a purpose. At least, they must have one…
What it says about you: You’re adventurous and brave, likely even a pioneer in a previous life. In fact, your previous life was long before Tarzan when you had to strap up nice and tight in order to chase after pre-historic dinner.
# Spandex pants: Think cyclist meets gym instructor. The spandex undy is a butt lifter and shaper. Wear them when you’re looking to impress the girls.
What it says about you: Hmmm, possibly a little image conscious, but not planning on scoring. Or you’d go commando.
# Commando: Barely there and a little suspect, commando is probably best left for when you don’t have any clean underwear left. Best keep it to yourself though and make sure you’re extra careful when zipping up.
What it says about you: There’s just a little bit of exhibitionist in you. Plus you quite like the rough feel of your jean pant on your nether regions.