NEW YORK – The job market is so bad these days, even the man reputed to have the world’s largest penis can’t find work.
Jonah Falcon, a 39-year-old New Yorker, has what many men have wished for. But has it made him happy? Or rich?
A 1999 HBO documentary brought Falcon enduring notoriety, at least in some circles. His manly parts, in an aroused state, were measured at 13.5 inches — the longest ever recorded on film.
That’s the length of an average wine bottle, certainly something a lot of guys would brag about.
But now, a decade later, Falcon is between jobs, living temporarily in his mother’s Manhattan apartment and looking for work as an actor and writer.
“It’s a rough economy, and I’m between jobs,” he says. “I think it’s important if you’re in film or media to be in New York or L.A. I need to be focused, get a job and move on.”
One question Falcon always gets: Why not do a porn movie? If you’ve been blessed with a physical attribute, why not cash in on it?
It’s not like he’s shy or hasn’t shown off in public – multiple times.
The answer is simple: “I don’t do porn,” he says. “If I did porn nobody would take me seriously. Nobody.
“Besides, having sex on a crowded movie set really isn’t my idea of fun.”
Of course, as a guy looking for work, he does add this tidbit: “I wouldn’t be opposed to doing a nude scene if I got the right part. It would just have to be a legitimate movie, with a real part for me in it.”
At 5-foot-9, Falcon has an average build, with average-sized hands and a size-10.5 foot. He says his below-the-belt wonder is all natural and has been causing a commotion since junior high school, when he had to change for gym class.
“These days, nobody notices me,” he says. “Unless I decide to go out in bike shorts. Then I get some stares.”
Falcon has been freelancing for Game Stooge and some other sites, working on screenplays and taking small acting gigs when he can, mostly for uncredited parts.
Remember “The Sopranos” episode in which Tony is recovering after Uncle Junior shoots him? Falcon plays a hospital orderly.
If you were among the unlucky few who saw Lindsay Lohan’s “Just My Luck,” Jonah plays the best man at the wedding of one of Lindsay’s pals.
Perhaps it’s ironic that a man known for an extra-large body part has had to settle for work as a Hollywood extra. You could see him in the background on episodes of “Law & Order,” the original “Melrose Place,” and in such films as “A Beautiful Mind,” “Across the Universe” and “City by the Sea.”
After a 1999 documentary, many consider Jonah Falcon to be the man with the world’s largest penis.
His scene from “Sex and the City” was cut, but how could Samantha not have dated him?
In show business, those are paying-your-dues jobs, and for many would-be actors, the Hollywood ride ends there. Falcon, despite his notoriety, craves more and isn’t giving up.
“I’ve had bigger roles in indie films,” he tells me, “the kind that don’t get listed on IMDB.”
When HBO put “Hung” into production last year, he figured he’d be a shoo-in, if not for the lead – a divorced high school teacher who moonlights as a male prostitute – then at least a bit part.
After all, it was on that network that Falcon became known for being hung.
Unfortunately, HBO wasn’t typecasting, at least on this show.
“HBO said they wanted to use ‘Hung’ in terms of a metaphor. They didn’t seem to understand, if you promise something like that, with that sort of title, you’d better show something.
“I’m not complaining,” Falcon says. “It’s just that as an actor, I hate to get passed over for a role that was tailor-made for me.”
Hollywood casting agents are known to be unforgiving, and they rarely take a chance on unproven talent, especially after a first impression has been seared into the public’s mind.
Still, Falcon doesn’t regret sharing his 13.5-inch secret with the world. He’s constantly fielding media requests. Unfortunately, appearing on “Howard Stern on Demand: George Takei’s Gay Bachelor Party” as a VIP guest or Spike TV’s “MANswers” isn’t likely to yield gainful employment.
“I did a British documentary, ‘World’s Biggest Penis,’ a few years back, and I know each time it’s on TV,” he says, “because hundreds of people suddenly friend me on Facebook.”
A sense of humor is absolutely required if you’re standing in Falcon’s shoes, and he has one. But that doesn’t mean he isn’t hurt sometimes by what’s said about him in public.
A “Rolling Stone” profile took some liberties with the truth, he says. He now regrets posing for a photo featuring him naked in a bathtub, with a gift-wrapped package in front of his God-given package.
Falcon is especially angry that the story suggests that he started the rumor that his real father is John Holmes, the porn legend who inspired the movie “Boogie Nights.”
With so many New Year’s resolutions – finding a job and a place to live, writing a screenplay – Falcon, a bisexual, is taking a break from dating to get his life back together.
To blow off steam, he’s been hosting a public-access TV show, “Talkin’ Yankees,” on Manhattan’s Time Warner cable.
And while Howard Stern crank callers Sal Governale and Richard Christy have hassled him at times, Yankee fans had a lot to celebrate this year.
“I think if I’m going to act, I’m going to have to write a part for myself,” Falcon says. “You know what they say: ‘If you can’t get cast in a part, cast yourself.’
“I’m not sure exactly what story suits me best. But my real life has been so crazy that I have an awful lot to draw from. Maybe 2010 is my year.”
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